Negative Nancy and Debbie Downer - #47

This past week I have noticed that I have been more negative than normal and I am honestly hating that.  As I woke this morning, the first thing that crossed my mind was my son was not home, was he  or was he in an accident.  Why did my mind automatically jump to the negative?  Do all parents do this? I mean, he is an adult and only stays here on weekends, if I'm lucky.  With work and school and all the other things he does, I'm lucky I see him that much.  There I went again...diving back into the negative.  This is so not like me and I honestly don't like it.  I am not sure what the issue is but this has got to change.

How do people live like this, day in and day out having nothing but negative in their minds?  How can they accomplish anything at all?  What is the point of doing anything if they already know they will fail?  Do they find pleasure in anything at all?  Do they find pleasure in spreading negativity?  Maybe that's it but what a horrible existence.

My negative thoughts continued as I started to write this entry.  You may not have noticed but I changed it from Day to numbers because I realized I can't seem to do this every day as I had initially started.  I almost didn't even write this one.  It feels like I have found another thing to fail at.  I have all but stopped all of my initial miracle morning things.  Even getting up early, except for this morning, has become a chore instead of a blessing.  What changed?  This I do not know but feel I must figure out as it seems I do this a lot.  I start things with excitement about the change and the outcome I see in my mind but I neglect to finish some or even come close in others. Why is that?

Guess I need to find a book or article or something on how to finish what you have started.  Is it possible it's out there? I can't be the only one with this problem, can I?  I see what I believe is happening. It is as if I am throwing hurdles on my path, just in front of my next step, trying to trip myself up.  Why would one do this?  Is this yet another thing that my troubled childhood left me with?  I am not looking to lay blame, just looking for an answer of how this started so I can begin to fix it.  Was it something I did to myself?  Is this a combination of it all or could it be a manifestation of the negativity I have been feeling this past week from an unknown that has brought this question to me?  Is it my mind's way of trying to turn it around, as a way to fight this feeling?

I used to say baby-steps but maybe even that was wrong.  Maybe I do need to take a running leap at everything I do and stop giving myself time to put reasons and doubts in my brain to sabotage myself.  Could that have been the problem all along?  That sure does pose an interesting question, one I must find the answer to.  Time to get up, dust myself off, put on a smile (even if fake for now), and muscle forward toward the thing I want.  Don't stop, don't look back and whatever I do, stop dropping hurdles in the way.  Make it to the finish line, to the end result.  Don't quit!

Time to bring in Positive Penny and Empowered Emily!