I have read or heard over the years that the faults we find in others are many times the faults we see within ourselves. I noticed this yesterday as I made a comment and abruptly left before all the paintings had been hung because the 'alpha artist', for lack of a better term, just seemed to ignore everyone else's opinions and kept doing things her way, the same way they have done them year after year, never considering changing it up might make it better. I whispered to the person next that I didn't agree with how she was doing it but because I didn't really care one way or the other, I was leaving so I didn't say something I shouldn't. I am quite positive that I, too, came off quite abrasive during that moment. Looking back at it, I wished I had just kept my mouth shut and left instead...but that would not be right either. I'm not a sheep.
Sometimes it is really hard to turn the other cheek, hard not to voice your opinion or state a fact when you feel it deep inside needs to be said. Sugar was meant to go in tea not on words, right? We don't eat our words, we spit them out. Granted some times we need to really think before letting them escape because once out, we do not get to take them back. We must suffer the consequences that come from the release.
So I guess finding the happy medium between what you can tolerate and not being a sheep is something I still need to work on. I credit my astrological sign, Aries, for a lot of who I am, the strengths or weaknesses depending on how you look at it. Some of the strengths are courageous, determined, confident, enthusiastic, optimistic, honest, passionate. I can say in my life I have, at times, felt those things. Not always confident in who I was or if I was going to be able to do something because my self confidence took a lot of hits from my mother. I have since tried to overcome that but it is still a struggle at times. Some of the weaknesses include impatient, moody, short-tempered, impulsive, aggressive. These are traits I know I have and have tried working on over the years. Have I succeeded, not always. I now know how to spot some of those weaknesses in myself and head them off at the pass when I see them guiding me in a direction I should not go. Doesn't always work but try is all I can do.
Since I am trying to better myself and make sure that my actions are what I want to live with, how I want to feel about myself, looking back on the situation yesterday I could have been a little more tolerant. At the same time, no, I probably couldn't. In that situation, walking away and not looking back was the smartest thing I could have done. I am not a sheep, I will not blindly follow just because others are going that direction. I am a strong, smart individual capable of making my own decisions and voicing my opinions when warranted. I will stand my ground, even if only silently, and watch or just walk away.
Picking my battles is the lesson for me in all this. Battles within myself as much as outside. Everyday there are those moments when I must decide is it something I want to tackle, is it something that will better me, or is it something that is just not worth the effort to complete.
What choices will today bring me? What lessons will I learn?
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