#51 - My Mini-Me Trip

Have you ever gone into such a deep trance or hypnosis that you go back in time?  Yesterday in my second float therapy session I had the most amazing experience.  I am pretty sure based on the redness of my eyes that I even cried during it.  It was such an eye-opening experience, tugging at every string between my heart and mind and it gave me such peace.  I am still feeling a little beside myself from it...almost literally.

As I prepared for my float, my mind was in such a state of disarray, such clutter, so many emotions flying around inside my heart and head it was hard to stop thinking and relax.  This week has been an overload and I just felt I was losing myself completely in the chaos.  So as I laid down in the pool, I told myself to let go and remember my best piece of advice, the one that gets me through everything.  "Breathe.  That is all that is required of you because everything else is optional.  Just breathe!"

Dim blue pin-lights in the ceiling, salt water glistening below, warm and inviting pool of blissfulness  soon to become complete silence and darkness. This has become my new happy place away from home.  Feels about as close to floating in the ocean as one can get without being there.  My mind bringing to the party the sounds and smells of the beach, gulls squawking overhead, waves slapping the shore, and the air so fresh and light.  Almost home.  My mind lets go.  Relax.  Peace.

A hand reaches out and grabs mine, holding it ever so tight, firm but loving.  I know this hand, this feeling, this touch.  I have missed this hand so much over the years.  No words are needed.  My husband is with me again, holding my hand through this journey.  Another is there too.  The warmth of another embraces my other hand.  My Gramma, lost a year after my husband.  My two favorite people are here.  I hear my heart beat speed up, then slow, breathing deep, in then out.  They hold my hands as I watch myself at the tender age of 4 running and playing, so happy, not a care in the world.  Just breathe.  Stay in the moment.  Stay.  Maybe this will last forever.  Such peace.

The lights came back on and I emerged as if having been reborn.  So at peace with what happened, in awe of it all really.  I cannot fully comprehend the message given to me during this experience enough to put into words.  All I know is the sense of peace I came back with is unmistakable.  It was an emotional explosion like no other.  My eyes so red as if I had cried for days, my heart so full and yet light as a feather.  I understand yet am still grasping, wanting to hold on just a little longer.  All I can do is look forward, take another step, a leap of faith that there will be ground to land on.  Eyes open looking to the future, heart and mind finally feeling the connection, ready to explore what comes.  My inner-child reminding me that its fun to run and laugh and play.  My first true love watching over me and never leaving my side.  Gramma, the closest thing to a real mother I ever experienced, always with me helping to guide me.  The message is so clear. 

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