#50 - Dear Fall,

Welcome to 2018.  I know you are just getting started with your time in our calendar this year but I have a request.  Would it be possible for you to nail down your weather a little, maybe hit is with a little more cold so we can get rid of all the bugs? It seems like your constant bouncing from hot to cold to warm to cool to rainy to dry, even tossing in a random hurricane or tornado and snow storm, depending on where we live.  Is this a bi-polar month for you?  Do you need your medication adjusted to compensate?

It seems that the summer bugs are continuing.  We now have house-flies the size of nickles and mosquitoes the size of dimes, both seeming to be increasing in numbers exponentially. I am not sure about everyone else, but I have had my fill.  I am really over the summer bug situation.  Just saying.

How about the size of the spiders this time of year.  It seems they are getting close to the size of saucers or small plates.  Huge is an understatement and more of us are being trained abruptly in karate, the spiderweb version, getting our initiations into the art when we have walked into a web and begun flailing our limbs around in what mimics a seizure, luckily needing no medical attention.  That is unless we are one of the clumsy ones who trip over something or fall into something causing even more problems.

Maybe that is where you get your name...Fall.  I always thought it was because this time of year the temperatures 'fall' and the leaves on the trees change color and 'fall'.  But maybe it is called 'fall' because you are making fun of what we do because of you.  Falling because of spiderwebs and other big bugs, because of how slippery sidewalks get with wet leaves on them, and falling victim to the weather in one form or another.  Is that the reason you were named Fall?  Was it out of sarcastic humor?

Well, whatever the reason for your name, I am asking this year that you just let us go gently from scalding hot to comfortably cooler, no more bouncing around all over the thermostat.  Enough is enough.  We are ready to happily transition into just a steady calm temperature, high 60's to low 70's will be ideal for daytime and 50's to 60's for night will be perfect for sleeping with the windows open.

If you do need a refill on your prescription, please let me know as I would be glad to run an errand for you if that's all it will take to calm your ass down.

Sincerely,

 Kansas Spiderweb Karate Master