#51 - My Mini-Me Trip

Have you ever gone into such a deep trance or hypnosis that you go back in time?  Yesterday in my second float therapy session I had the most amazing experience.  I am pretty sure based on the redness of my eyes that I even cried during it.  It was such an eye-opening experience, tugging at every string between my heart and mind and it gave me such peace.  I am still feeling a little beside myself from it...almost literally.

As I prepared for my float, my mind was in such a state of disarray, such clutter, so many emotions flying around inside my heart and head it was hard to stop thinking and relax.  This week has been an overload and I just felt I was losing myself completely in the chaos.  So as I laid down in the pool, I told myself to let go and remember my best piece of advice, the one that gets me through everything.  "Breathe.  That is all that is required of you because everything else is optional.  Just breathe!"

Dim blue pin-lights in the ceiling, salt water glistening below, warm and inviting pool of blissfulness  soon to become complete silence and darkness. This has become my new happy place away from home.  Feels about as close to floating in the ocean as one can get without being there.  My mind bringing to the party the sounds and smells of the beach, gulls squawking overhead, waves slapping the shore, and the air so fresh and light.  Almost home.  My mind lets go.  Relax.  Peace.

A hand reaches out and grabs mine, holding it ever so tight, firm but loving.  I know this hand, this feeling, this touch.  I have missed this hand so much over the years.  No words are needed.  My husband is with me again, holding my hand through this journey.  Another is there too.  The warmth of another embraces my other hand.  My Gramma, lost a year after my husband.  My two favorite people are here.  I hear my heart beat speed up, then slow, breathing deep, in then out.  They hold my hands as I watch myself at the tender age of 4 running and playing, so happy, not a care in the world.  Just breathe.  Stay in the moment.  Stay.  Maybe this will last forever.  Such peace.

The lights came back on and I emerged as if having been reborn.  So at peace with what happened, in awe of it all really.  I cannot fully comprehend the message given to me during this experience enough to put into words.  All I know is the sense of peace I came back with is unmistakable.  It was an emotional explosion like no other.  My eyes so red as if I had cried for days, my heart so full and yet light as a feather.  I understand yet am still grasping, wanting to hold on just a little longer.  All I can do is look forward, take another step, a leap of faith that there will be ground to land on.  Eyes open looking to the future, heart and mind finally feeling the connection, ready to explore what comes.  My inner-child reminding me that its fun to run and laugh and play.  My first true love watching over me and never leaving my side.  Gramma, the closest thing to a real mother I ever experienced, always with me helping to guide me.  The message is so clear. 

Step 1.

Needing a beach recharge - day 42

Do you have a place that you go to recharge your battery?  Is it your childhood home with your parents?  Is it the mountains to get back to nature? Is it the desert? What about a field of corn or wheat?  Does the open prairies make you feel at home?  Trees, do you require lots of trees that block all view and give you a natural hug?

For me my happy place is the beach. I was born surrounded by water, ocean on one side and gulf on the other.  Spent most of my good days as a child on the beach or in the water or fishing with my grandfather out at sea.  So my current landlocked situation has got me out of sorts at least a couple times a year where I must go recharge my soul's battery, sitting on the beach, toes in the sand, birds squawking overhead, and the waves rolling onto the beach blanketing the sands with their warmth and then rolling back out again to allow another to take it's place.

When on the beach, time escapes me. I can sit for hours just meditating in the warm, soothing sounds, letting my mind free of all that clutters inside.  I think that finding that place where we can unwind and let go is something we must do to survive.  We have to be able to remove ourselves from the  hustle and bustle of the every day monotonous insanity that must be done to pay for all the this-n-that required to exist.

For many years due to financial constraints I could't make my trek back home where I could recharge.  As a single mother, my finances were bound to making sure that my children had a roof over their heads, food on the table, and some of the things they desired.  Not all, because that would give them nothing to strive for, but enough to make them want to work hard to get there.  During those years I found ways to get there without leaving my home.  I was introduced into the art of self-hypnosis.  Being able to focus the mind on the body, turning off the senses with simple countdowns, and finding the ability to all but mentally leave my body and travel to a beach where I could relax and recharge was what saved my sanity.  This was actually something I taught myself in my younger years when I was not in a safe place and needed to escape the pain.  I believe it actually saved my life.

Hypnosis is a very powerful tool.  Many have used it to avoid being put under anesthesia before surgery (not sure I will ever be that good at it), others have used it simply to turn off the mind and release.  Hypnosis also helped me quit smoking, something I did for many years.  I am now trying to use it to lose weight and well, that apparently is harder than quitting smoking. Still a work in progress.  The ability to self hypnotize is a true skill that I am blessed with.  I have used it in short bursts or for longer periods depending on the need at the time. I mostly use it to cure what ails me and allow my body and mind to heal when they get to a point of needing release from pain.  I have removed myself almost completely from any use of over the counter medications simply by first getting them out of my system, then finding more holistic remedies, but I will touch on that another day.

Finally being at a place in my life when I can just go to the beach and relax, recharge, and recover my sanity is such a blessing.  I know that all my worldly worries will be there when I return yet the escape is so amazing, almost like a recharging my soul.

The ocean is calling, I must answer.