Time - #49

"Time is free, but it's priceless.  You can't own it, but you can use it.  You can't keep it, but you can spend it.  Once you've lost it you can never get it back." I'm not 100% sure who's quote this is.

Makes so much sense, doesn't it?  We have 1440 minutes in a day and 525,600 minutes in every year.  What do we actually do with all those minutes?  How many are wasted on trivial crap?  I know it seems like I waste a whole lot of them with not much clue what I am doing.  Sure am not progressing towards any goal, or so it seems.

Those minutes I do get to share with my family, especially my children and my in-laws, are those I cherish most.  I will gladly give them all the time I have to be able to make more memories I can hold on to. I am lucky though, that I still have time to share with them.  Every day I selfishly wish for more years, more time to be able to say the little things that mean so much, do things that they will remember, make memories that will stay with them through their lives.

I look back on my life, my short 49 years and see all those minutes I was able to share with loved ones making movies that play over in my mind.  Little snip-its of times long since past that helped shape who I am today.  Not all were good, but those I hold onto the most, those I look back for as lessons, even those that bring tears, they are how I became the me I am today.

I feel lucky.  For many years I felt nothing but pain yet I still feel lucky.  Lucky to have had years with my Gramma who was the most positive influence in the early part of my life.  From her I learned that you are never to old to go after what you want.  That life does not always give you what you want, but it gives you what you need.  That even though times are hard, you can still find a reason to smile.  My Gramma was an amazing woman who, in her 50's got her nursing degree after being married to a not-so-nice man who belittled her over and over. A man who she finally broke free of late in life which enabled her to find happiness, both in herself and with another.  Having her as a role model was such a blessing.

I also feel lucky to have had 2 of the most amazing children any mother could have.  I would like to think that every mother feels that way of her children but for those who don't, I feel sadness.  My children also helped shape who I am today. I can surely credit them for at least a few of the grey hairs now residing on my head.  They have given me many moments of fear and worry but more of happiness and joy.  Even now we still find little moments from our past that will cause random bursts of humor, the rib-busting type of memory that you can't help but laugh out loud at.  Luckily more of those moments held onto hold happiness and smiles.

Looking towards the future, wondering what I will do with all my future minutes, I have to take one or two to really look at what my current path is holding.  Will this path I am on continue to bring me moments I can look back at and smile or laugh or be proud of?  Is this the plan for me? Is this what I want to continue doing? Will this make me happy, bring joy into others lives, make my children proud?  Of these and many other questions, I am going to need more minutes to ponder.

For now, I will continue to make amazing snip-its with those I love and cherish every one as if it was my last.  I may not get rich monetarily from this but I will in be rich in happy memories that will last a life time.

Goal:  Make every minute count for something good.