#55 - Finally Me

Have you ever gotten to the end of a week and just felt compelled to do absolutely nothing?  Where the couch, a soft blanket, an old movie, and some alone-time sounded like the best medicine to cure an exhausted soul?  Well, as is evident by the fact I have not been posting daily this week, it has been one hell-of-a-week!

My timing for my comfort night in was perfect, however, because I got surprised by both of my children wanting to come have dinner with me.  The warm feelings in the house, laughter and smiles, giggles til it hurt, the perfect medicine for anything that ails.  What a perfect evening!  Talk about a battery recharge.  There seems to be nothing better than the feeling when your children WANT to come spend time with you.

The laughter continued into Saturday with bubbling laughter with friends as we dawned on our costumes and got mud-covered at the local Renaissance Festival.  We even were asked to be in photos with some of the other visitors at the festival.  What a blast it was.  The laughter never stopping until we finally parted ways.  This is what is the food of life, feeding our souls with happiness and fun. Sometimes a good rib-busting, breath taking, roll on the floor laughter is needed to clear your head and remind you what is most important, most needed in your life.  Friends and family, love and laughter.  Those are the fuel for a happy and healthy life.

Now I am wishing to have more time with friends, more time doing silly stuff with family, more time to just be me.  Time for me to figure out how to make more of this time.

Time to stop working so hard and not having time for me.  Time to make sure those I want in my world are involved in my fun time. Also time to remove the negatives in my world.  Those things that make me feel not good about myself, not good about how I spend my time, and not good about life in general.  Time to clean house! This will be the fall project, making space for my life to continue in a more positive light.



Thank you also to my palm reader at the festival for enlightening me to what I need to change.She had great messages that I knew already but neglected to see, or didn't want to see, or just kept pushing to the background in hopes it would just go away.

And last but not least, thank you to the doggie in the window for being such a sweetie, letting us pet her, and even reaching out and pawing for more lovin.

 Shout out to the dragon too, very cool, especially when it blew smoke.  

Even the Renn Potters were pretty cool.

Time - #49

"Time is free, but it's priceless.  You can't own it, but you can use it.  You can't keep it, but you can spend it.  Once you've lost it you can never get it back." I'm not 100% sure who's quote this is.

Makes so much sense, doesn't it?  We have 1440 minutes in a day and 525,600 minutes in every year.  What do we actually do with all those minutes?  How many are wasted on trivial crap?  I know it seems like I waste a whole lot of them with not much clue what I am doing.  Sure am not progressing towards any goal, or so it seems.

Those minutes I do get to share with my family, especially my children and my in-laws, are those I cherish most.  I will gladly give them all the time I have to be able to make more memories I can hold on to. I am lucky though, that I still have time to share with them.  Every day I selfishly wish for more years, more time to be able to say the little things that mean so much, do things that they will remember, make memories that will stay with them through their lives.

I look back on my life, my short 49 years and see all those minutes I was able to share with loved ones making movies that play over in my mind.  Little snip-its of times long since past that helped shape who I am today.  Not all were good, but those I hold onto the most, those I look back for as lessons, even those that bring tears, they are how I became the me I am today.

I feel lucky.  For many years I felt nothing but pain yet I still feel lucky.  Lucky to have had years with my Gramma who was the most positive influence in the early part of my life.  From her I learned that you are never to old to go after what you want.  That life does not always give you what you want, but it gives you what you need.  That even though times are hard, you can still find a reason to smile.  My Gramma was an amazing woman who, in her 50's got her nursing degree after being married to a not-so-nice man who belittled her over and over. A man who she finally broke free of late in life which enabled her to find happiness, both in herself and with another.  Having her as a role model was such a blessing.

I also feel lucky to have had 2 of the most amazing children any mother could have.  I would like to think that every mother feels that way of her children but for those who don't, I feel sadness.  My children also helped shape who I am today. I can surely credit them for at least a few of the grey hairs now residing on my head.  They have given me many moments of fear and worry but more of happiness and joy.  Even now we still find little moments from our past that will cause random bursts of humor, the rib-busting type of memory that you can't help but laugh out loud at.  Luckily more of those moments held onto hold happiness and smiles.

Looking towards the future, wondering what I will do with all my future minutes, I have to take one or two to really look at what my current path is holding.  Will this path I am on continue to bring me moments I can look back at and smile or laugh or be proud of?  Is this the plan for me? Is this what I want to continue doing? Will this make me happy, bring joy into others lives, make my children proud?  Of these and many other questions, I am going to need more minutes to ponder.

For now, I will continue to make amazing snip-its with those I love and cherish every one as if it was my last.  I may not get rich monetarily from this but I will in be rich in happy memories that will last a life time.

Goal:  Make every minute count for something good.

Moms Just Worry - Day 43/44

I have started writing day 43 over and over again, bouncing between topics and just not feeling any of them were worthy of writing about.  This morning I finally landing on one that I believe all good mothers (and fathers) will understand.  Moms just worry.

Children must understand that moms are going to worry about you all of your life. We carried you inside our bodies for up to 9 months, you are an extension of us.  Many of us have been there for all of your first 18 years, through every cut, scrape, broken bone, and broken heart.  We were there to hold you and care for you.  We felt every boo-boo as if it was our own.  With every tear you shed our eyes welled and cried with you.  After you were made to feel better, bandages in place and emergency averted, we melted with relief knowing we could now release all the anxiety that built up while we were having to be strong.

You may now be all grown and out on your own but do not ever, even for a second, think that we will stop worrying about you.  Unlike in the animal kingdom when the parents just move on, good parents, both moms and dads will always worry about you.  You, that amazing grown up man or woman who is now out in the world providing for yourself, maybe even with children of your own, we will still feel every injury and worry every time there is something happening where you are.  I will forever have a connection that makes me tear up just a little once the storm has passed and I know you are OK.

So for all those moments you got annoyed by my checking in on you, those moments when you responded with some snarky comment about my checking up on you, understand that I only do it because I love you, because that bond is still there, and it will never stop.  Get used to it.  My love for you will always cause me to fear the worst but hope for the best.  My heart will always beat fast until I hear you are safe.  My mind will always race to those what-if thoughts hoping they never come.  Understand that as a mom I will always worry so get over it. Love you!

Disclaimer:  I cannot know how it feels to raise a child I did not carry but I am pretty sure that these feelings also expand to those amazing parents who have adopted children as well.  Just wanted to throw that out there.