Step 1

I have survived my first week back from my vacation, exhausted but alive.  Not that my job is in anyway dangerous except I might break a nail on the keyboard or possibly cuss in the wrong company.  I mean my sanity is still somewhat intact after another week of the mindless routine that is my job.  Don't get me wrong, there is a lot that goes into what I do which was evident by the comments I got when I returned from those who were covering for me which included "never again" and "find someone else to cover" and "how do you deal with all this?"  It's comical because I don't see it as all that hard, in fact sometimes I feel I work in my sleep.  There is just no challenge in it for me anymore, no excitement, nothing that makes me jump out of bed ready to take on the world.

This morning, however, is another story.  It's Saturday, my time, and I was up at 6 AM sharp with no alarm set, jumped in the shower, got dressed, tidied up a bit, made coffee, fixed my watch, then sat down to write.  I have started 4 blog entries so far, only one having gotten past the first few lines because I found myself dipping into the negativity pool.  I try so hard to be a positive person, looking for the silver lining on dark clouds, searching for the not-so-bad side of situations, but there are times when it seems next to impossible.  Those are the times I have to dig even deeper.  I refuse to give up, it's not in my DNA to quit, so I push on and hope that the light will shine eventually if I keep going...and it does.

Today, although I have gotten up before the sun has had a chance to shine, I feel it is going to be a good day.  I have planned things that make me smile, not a schedule but things I plan to do today and tomorrow that do not include a schedule.  I am starting to work on getting my mind in the right place to start planning my future, figuring out what I need to do to make my happy days out number those not so happy.  Art will be included in these two days so that in itself makes me smile.  I still need to finish going through all the hundreds of photos from my vacation, which will also be a pleasant thing to do and a project with an ending which is also nice.  It's the little things that can bring such big joy.  I just need to keep reminding myself of this.  Kind of like looking at the rocks, sand and water story in a different way. The rocks or boulders in our lives, bills and work.  The sand and water that fill in all the space around those two giant annoyances are all of the little things we do every day that fill our hearts with joy and make dealing with those two monsters a lot easier to tolerate.  

Time for more sand and water!

Step 2...

From Vacation Back to the Daily Grind

Being away from home, away from the responsibilities of life and the daily grind can be a magical thing.  Getting out of the country and visiting new places is even more fun.  Putting toes in sand, shopping, seeing new things and meeting new people, expanding one's horizons adds so much to a person's life resume.  No, not the resume you use to get a job, but the list of things you have done and accomplishments you have made.  I believe that should be just as important. 

Living means getting out and doing things that are not the same old thing you do every day, spending a little of that money you work so hard for to get out and do something for yourself, buying a pretty or two, or even just seeing something for the first time.  These experiences can even be relatively free.  Get in the car and just drive until you get tired of driving and see something new.  Pick a place on a map within a half a day's drive and go.  Those little excursions can be just what the doctor ordered for a tired mind or broken soul. 

For me, those little jaunts lead to bigger and further travels, this time taking me first to New Orleans, LA, then to Key West, Freeport and Nassau in the Bahamas.  What an amazing trip it was too.  Getting back on the ocean, cruising in style with roughly 3600 other people from all walks of life, seeing beautiful places, sunrises and sunsets on the sea, local wildlife, fabulous people in other countries, it was just an amazing vacation! 

One problem, it was just not long enough.  Back to work only one day and I remembered all too well why I needed a vacation.  The insanity that is the daily grind.  Watching people fall into the circle of insanity, doing the same thing over and over expecting different results yet refusing to listen to common sense and jump out.  This happens a lot in corporate America.  I also feel I personally have fallen into the same circle of insanity.  SSDD...Same Sh*t Different Day. 

Now is when I need to reevaluate the circle of insanity I am running in and decide which path I wish to jump towards.  Kind of like deciding what to be when I grow up, time to choose a path.  So many choices, just want to find one that will not make me dream of vacations but feel like my daily tasks are so much fun I don't look for time away.  Time to start making lists of what I do and don't like, what I want to do every day and what I don't.  Either finding a company that really cares about it's employees enough to pay them properly and give raises to show that their hard work is appreciated, insurance that is actually usable, and the comfort of knowing they will have a job in a year or go back out on my own as an entrepreneur again.  So many choices. 

I definitely have my work cut out for me.  I am ready for the task.  Coming up on my half century birthday soon, and craving something new.  Not a mid-life crises, more like an awakening to fact that I have been not-so-happy with what I spend most of my waking hours doing 5 days a week.  I am good at what I do which was proven to me even just yesterday as I returned from my vacation to be told by the person who was covering for me he never wanted to do it again.  My skill in what I do proves I love my work, problem is it is hard to want to push yourself to do better when the company you work for doesn't care enough to show it's employees they have worth by pay increases and good benefits.  The incentives have been lost. 

I wish that the company would actually care but wishing that seems as fruitless as trying to raise the dead.  Guess it's time for me to either become a full-on zombie or wake the hell up and make some decisions.  I have some homework to do.

Does it matter what day it is? - ok...Day 25

Well, this would have been day 25 had I really stuck to the process I had started, getting up an hour earlier, using that hour to do 6 things (Silence, Affirmations, Vision, Exercise, Read, Scribe).  Well, the last part of the 25 days I have been counting I have only done 1, maybe 2. Think it's time to get my bum back in gear and push myself to get back to all 6.  I really did love the book and I really need to get myself on the path to bettering myself and to do so I have got to stick to a routine.  So, here is to getting back in my routine.

I must say that even just the journaling, or blogging, has become something I really do enjoy doing.  It is kind of like a release, allowing thoughts in my head to go somewhere to make space for more thoughts.  Seeing the words on the screen is, I guess, kind of therapeutic.  Think about it.  What do you do to release things from your mind?  I have gone back and read a few of my blog posts in the past few days and it was kind of like looking back in time. I can feel exactly how I felt when I wrote them. I must push myself to continue this and do more.  I must make sure tho not to dwell too much in what was already done.  The past is the past, it cannot be undone or changed. It is only there to help us realize what we did and how to do it better in the future.  Learn from your past but don't dwell in it or wallow in self pity over what cannot be changed.

So, today is the eve of my last vacation day for this 2 week stint I have been away from my daily grind job.  I want to get a few more things done before the end of this blissful release from the 7-5.  Today will be focused more on seeing family and friends.  I am really looking forward to this day.  Might even take a few minutes to put paint to canvas.  I have missed painting recently and really would love to do more of that too...and review my photos from the past week's adventures.  There were really some beauties.

Not much else to say except my goal for the day.  Today my goal will be to prepare myself mentally and physically to get back into routines that will better my mind and spirit.

Til tomorrow. Blessed be.