Step 1

I have survived my first week back from my vacation, exhausted but alive.  Not that my job is in anyway dangerous except I might break a nail on the keyboard or possibly cuss in the wrong company.  I mean my sanity is still somewhat intact after another week of the mindless routine that is my job.  Don't get me wrong, there is a lot that goes into what I do which was evident by the comments I got when I returned from those who were covering for me which included "never again" and "find someone else to cover" and "how do you deal with all this?"  It's comical because I don't see it as all that hard, in fact sometimes I feel I work in my sleep.  There is just no challenge in it for me anymore, no excitement, nothing that makes me jump out of bed ready to take on the world.

This morning, however, is another story.  It's Saturday, my time, and I was up at 6 AM sharp with no alarm set, jumped in the shower, got dressed, tidied up a bit, made coffee, fixed my watch, then sat down to write.  I have started 4 blog entries so far, only one having gotten past the first few lines because I found myself dipping into the negativity pool.  I try so hard to be a positive person, looking for the silver lining on dark clouds, searching for the not-so-bad side of situations, but there are times when it seems next to impossible.  Those are the times I have to dig even deeper.  I refuse to give up, it's not in my DNA to quit, so I push on and hope that the light will shine eventually if I keep going...and it does.

Today, although I have gotten up before the sun has had a chance to shine, I feel it is going to be a good day.  I have planned things that make me smile, not a schedule but things I plan to do today and tomorrow that do not include a schedule.  I am starting to work on getting my mind in the right place to start planning my future, figuring out what I need to do to make my happy days out number those not so happy.  Art will be included in these two days so that in itself makes me smile.  I still need to finish going through all the hundreds of photos from my vacation, which will also be a pleasant thing to do and a project with an ending which is also nice.  It's the little things that can bring such big joy.  I just need to keep reminding myself of this.  Kind of like looking at the rocks, sand and water story in a different way. The rocks or boulders in our lives, bills and work.  The sand and water that fill in all the space around those two giant annoyances are all of the little things we do every day that fill our hearts with joy and make dealing with those two monsters a lot easier to tolerate.  

Time for more sand and water!

Step 2...