From Vacation Back to the Daily Grind

Being away from home, away from the responsibilities of life and the daily grind can be a magical thing.  Getting out of the country and visiting new places is even more fun.  Putting toes in sand, shopping, seeing new things and meeting new people, expanding one's horizons adds so much to a person's life resume.  No, not the resume you use to get a job, but the list of things you have done and accomplishments you have made.  I believe that should be just as important. 

Living means getting out and doing things that are not the same old thing you do every day, spending a little of that money you work so hard for to get out and do something for yourself, buying a pretty or two, or even just seeing something for the first time.  These experiences can even be relatively free.  Get in the car and just drive until you get tired of driving and see something new.  Pick a place on a map within a half a day's drive and go.  Those little excursions can be just what the doctor ordered for a tired mind or broken soul. 

For me, those little jaunts lead to bigger and further travels, this time taking me first to New Orleans, LA, then to Key West, Freeport and Nassau in the Bahamas.  What an amazing trip it was too.  Getting back on the ocean, cruising in style with roughly 3600 other people from all walks of life, seeing beautiful places, sunrises and sunsets on the sea, local wildlife, fabulous people in other countries, it was just an amazing vacation! 

One problem, it was just not long enough.  Back to work only one day and I remembered all too well why I needed a vacation.  The insanity that is the daily grind.  Watching people fall into the circle of insanity, doing the same thing over and over expecting different results yet refusing to listen to common sense and jump out.  This happens a lot in corporate America.  I also feel I personally have fallen into the same circle of insanity.  SSDD...Same Sh*t Different Day. 

Now is when I need to reevaluate the circle of insanity I am running in and decide which path I wish to jump towards.  Kind of like deciding what to be when I grow up, time to choose a path.  So many choices, just want to find one that will not make me dream of vacations but feel like my daily tasks are so much fun I don't look for time away.  Time to start making lists of what I do and don't like, what I want to do every day and what I don't.  Either finding a company that really cares about it's employees enough to pay them properly and give raises to show that their hard work is appreciated, insurance that is actually usable, and the comfort of knowing they will have a job in a year or go back out on my own as an entrepreneur again.  So many choices. 

I definitely have my work cut out for me.  I am ready for the task.  Coming up on my half century birthday soon, and craving something new.  Not a mid-life crises, more like an awakening to fact that I have been not-so-happy with what I spend most of my waking hours doing 5 days a week.  I am good at what I do which was proven to me even just yesterday as I returned from my vacation to be told by the person who was covering for me he never wanted to do it again.  My skill in what I do proves I love my work, problem is it is hard to want to push yourself to do better when the company you work for doesn't care enough to show it's employees they have worth by pay increases and good benefits.  The incentives have been lost. 

I wish that the company would actually care but wishing that seems as fruitless as trying to raise the dead.  Guess it's time for me to either become a full-on zombie or wake the hell up and make some decisions.  I have some homework to do.

#77 - Monday, Monday...ugh!

Well, it is the first day after a week off from work and I must get my bum in gear to start back to the grind.  My mind is fighting me all the way as it has no desire, neither does my heart or soul.  Oh how I wish I could retire from my job and start doing what I really want to do...not nearly old enough to even think that thought tho.  Guess I must play the lottery instead.

There are days when I wish I was a little more of a risk taker.  Having had to be the  'adult' in every situation my entire life, I never got the chance to just take the risk and see what happened. I always had someone relying on me to pay the bills, put food on the table, keep a roof over our heads.  Even when I was little, I was the one who had to make sure the others got fed and off to school.  My parental guidance was missing in action.  I had no roll model to learn from so I did what I felt needed to be done, giving no time for trying new things.  If I had one thing I regretted from my childhood it was having real parents who cared enough to really be there as parents and do their jobs!

Not that I am unhappy, not for a second.  I love what I have in my life now and wouldn't change it for the world.  Early on after my husband passed and after I survived my cancer scare, life looked incredibly short in comparison to how it looked before.  I did take a big risk.  With the help of a friend who had the same passion as I did, we opened a restaurant.  It was amazing to put our love of coffees and baked goods into our daily business and survive.  It was also but so worth it.  One of those things I could scratch off the old bucket-list.

Since then I have had other small businesses.  My art and photography would be what I would love to do fulltime but living where I do, I have not found a way to make them profitable enough to live on and honestly I don't want to be a starving artist.  I like to play and travel too much.  I still have people relying on me to be able to help when needed so that is not as much of an option as I would like.  As I said, I need to win the lottery.  Or...

Maybe I need to learn to take the risk.  I need to figure out what I can cut from my life to allow more to risk so in the future I can focus on mainly what I love instead of wasting hours of my day for a company who only knows me as a number and could care less if I am financially stable or successful.  They care only about their bottom line. Nothing about the minions who do the daily grind to make them that money.  Why is it corporate America has lost sight of the people who actually do the work?  Is it all companies or just the ones I have worked for that don't seem to care?  They don't give raises when they should even if you get highest marks on reviews.  The insurance they offer is so bad that we pay for it only so we don't get penalized for not having it yet hope we never have to use it because we couldn't afford the deductible due to never getting the raises to get us to a livable wage.  Is this the norm now in Corporate America?  It makes me sad for all college kids coming into Corporate America now with hundreds of thousands in school loans not knowing that this is what it is really like.

Well, guess this is where I sign off for the day so I can log into my corporate America job and start my daily grind.  Some day I will learn to take that risk, that leap of faith in myself and do what I love instead of what pays bills, sort of.