Day 13 - Not So Early Rise

So, what I have found is that when I go to bed seriously early on day 13, like 1:30 in the morning, the possibility of me waking up and rising early is pushed out a bit to more like, not so early.  Oh well, one can't be perfect at everything they do. 

I did wake up with a happy feeling knowing I do not have to work today so that is a plus.  No day job today or any day for the next two weeks.  I am so beside myself about the fact that the only computer I will be looking at is my personal one to write, to review photos, to just play instead of the day-to-day grind which I do during the week.  I will be able to focus more on me, what I want to accomplish, and hopefully will see some changes in the coming 2 weeks.  What kind, you ask?

It's time to declutter my home and my mind. I will be removing all things that I have not touched or used in a year or more.  I will be focusing on removing those things that in the past have held me still instead of letting me roam, those things that stopped me from living.  Those little trinkets or items we are given or hold some meaning to our past.  In my case many things that I gathered with grand ideas of making something out of them only to just put them on a shelf and let them gather dust and take up space in my world that I could otherwise be using to better myself, free my mind, and feel good. 

It seems in my case that my not having things when I was little, my almost losing everything when my husband died compiled with my need to create beautiful things in my world compounded to a room full of things I don't do anything with.  My goal is to fix this.  Mentally I am ready to remove the items.  They no longer have hold of me in a way they did before.  Now will be my release of those things to lighten my world. This will make space for the new me.  Chapter 50, I guess, if we had to put a number to it will work since I will be reaching age in under a year.  To put myself in a better place mentally, physically, and emotionally by that day is something I am striving to do and I see myself making that goal, possibly with time to spare. 

Looking back I see I have had so many chapters of not so positive things written in my story so far but I always try to find the positive side.  I won't dive into those negatives as I don't feel they need to be focused on here...maybe some day I will write an autobiography, probably not tho.  When I look back, those moments of pain and hardship that I see are all the hurdles I overcame to get where I am today and I would not change even one.  I used to daydream of how things could have been different but I bring myself back to the realization that I like who I have become and I would not be who I am if not for those things I went through.  The what-if game is just that.  You can't change the past so why think what if it was different.  The only thing you can do is learn from the past and continue to take steps forward to not recreate those things you did not like about your past. 

One step forward, even if only a baby-step, is still a step in the right direction.