Have you ever had a feeling you were not alone, yet you were the only one in the room? Ever have the hairs stand on the back of your neck or arms or get goose bumps for no reason? Well, let's just say that we aren't as alone as we think. I was reminded of this last night as I was uneasily checking and rechecking the doors of my house due to someone trying to gain entry into my space early in the evening. Not a comforting feeling at all to know that the bad out in the world tried to come into my space.
So, to explain why I am seeming to ramble this morning, first I blame not enough coffee. I am on cup 2 and feeling this will be more like a 2 pot type of day. Last night as I was sitting in my living room, a little later than normal but not by much, just 20 minutes or so, almost but not quite ready for bed, my dogs started barking defensively at the front door of my home. This normally happens when someone is at my door and makes noise, either knocking or unlocking the door to get in. That is, after all, their job. To protect their home and their pack. The problem, you see, is no one was knocking on the door. That I would have heard, and since those who had keys were not unlocking it, the dogs defending the home was warranted. The motion light aimed strategically at my door knob was lit up. Why? This should not be happening. But it was. Someone was trying to turn the knob of my door, for what reason I dared not imagine.
All at once a rush of emotions filled me: fear, anger, uncertainty, rage. I was scared at first that someone was trying to get into my home. I was angry at myself for not hearing when it happened, had not even heard their steps on my porch. I was enraged that someone thought it was OK to do this. Then the overwhelming need to protect me and mine came over me like a bucket of warm water was poured overhead causing me to grab the closest gun I could and rack it filling the room with the powerfully loud slide and click as a massive load of buckshot entered the chamber. Knowing I was capable of doing what I needed to protect myself yet hoping I would not have to. This pissed me off even more. Looking back on it now, it was as if I was being controlled by someone outside of my home, someone I don't even know, who is making me feel all those emotions and do things outside of my normal routine. I was boiling mad that someone had this control over me. My instincts were pushing me to get back in control quickly. No time to waste.
With a gun in one hand, I used the other to peak out the curtain on the front door. I didn't see anyone out there but the dogs were still barking. I felt uneasy. I grabbed my cell and dialed the number for the police station, all 7 digits instead of 911. My mind going in so many directions. I actually dialed the full phone number for the local police department, a number I had apparently memorized long ago. I spoke to the dispatcher explaining my situation and she said she would send out patrols immediately. I paced nervously, shotgun in one hand and cell phone in the other, hoping not to hear anything else yet expecting all hell to break loose.
Then the knock. Looking at the door I could see eyes behind glasses peering over the curtain (must remember to raise the curtain). In those eyes I could sense protection and I was not afraid. The gentleman waved a hand as if to say he was here to help. Still startled, I peeked through the curtain and saw the badge and uniform. I motioned him to hold on, put the gun down, unlocked the deadbolt and the handle lock and opened the door. Greeting the officer with a sigh of relief, I walked out on the porch to discuss what had happened. After seeing the porch, seeing what it would take to make the motion light turn on, he agreed there had to have been someone at the door, probably trying the knob to see if it was unlocked. As we spoke, he jotted down notes and explained he and another patrol had searching the area around my home before he got there but had not found anyone yet. He mentioned there had been other burglary attempts in the area in recent days but they thought they had caught the perpetrators. As we finished talking he said they would be making extra patrols around the area overnight. I thanked him and went back in, locked everything back up, grabbed my guns, and headed into the safety of my home.
Around 2:30 in the morning a feeling I cannot explain startled me, waking me from the uncomfortable rest-like state I had been in on the couch. I had apparently nodded off sometime earlier and now felt very uneasy again, but it was different this time. It's kind of hard to describe. The feeling of knowing something bad had happened yet not being afraid because someone is there to keep you safe. But wait...I was alone. Yes the dogs were there with me, big teeth and loud barking are great protection, but they had not given me the feeling I now had. That feeling of comfort, that everything is going to be OK. I did not feel the need to grab a gun or phone as I walked to the front door and peeked out. The porch was dark, almost a blackness with a little glow from the street light down the block. An instant later there was a glow, something had triggered the motion sensor on the light yet this time even though I could see nothing there, I wasn't afraid. It was as if someone had placed a blanket on my shoulders and held me tight. I knew all would be fine and I could go rest now. The house was quiet. There was no stress There was no fear. I climbed the stairs and headed to my room.
I am comforted in the knowledge that those with me always watch over me. Even as I sit here thinking over the hours of insanity that was my night I know I was never really alone. I have been blessed in this life to have had so many amazing people love me over the years and I take solace in the knowledge they are never truly gone, even after their bodies have become earth, they are here to help, guide and protect us always. Thank you all.
Blessed be.
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